When I first became a youth minister I found that God was going to require more time from me and so were the children at my church, Sowing The Seeds Of Faith Ministries. The first thing I did was ask God if he was sure I had what it takes to be a minister. Even though I was already doing the work I had many doubts. My main one was, I don’t look or act like a minister. I’m not locked into traditions, I have tattoos and to some people’s dismay, I have dread locks.
Yes, I love Christ, working with the children, most of the time, and being a part of a congregation that worships with all their hearts, but I did not feel like I had arrived yet. And many elders looked at me the same way. They were so much more knowledgeable and had more experience and seemed to have all the time in the world to be ministers. Where as I was struggling to be the perfect mom and wife.
Yes, perfect.
I found that I could effectively schedule time to be in every place I was suppose to be, but life had a way a knocking me off the perfect path I had set for myself. My kids needed me outside of the allotted time scheduled for them. My husband wanted to invade the time I scheduled for the church. I stuck to my guns, I tried anyway, and that seemed to cause even more problems. Problems that when they arrived gave me cause to ask God “Are you sure you want me to minister? I can barely schedule my time.” Many nights I prayed that God would make me perfect for the job. I even cried about how bad of a wife and mother I was. Ministry was something that didn’t come easy to me. I felt like if I lacked in motherhood, how could I thrive as one of God’s teachers?
It was a very lonely feeling.
I remember one day when I was at a very low moment, depressed and discouraged, and I wanted to give up. I felt like it was too hard. Like I wasn’t strong enough. And then the song “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” came on and it was like Jesus was talking to me! “If you need me, call me. No matter where you are. No matter how far. Just call my name I’ll be there in a hurry. You don’t have to worry…”. My spirit was lifted almost instantly. I may not have been perfect, but I was chosen.
And then one day I sat down and wrote out everything it was that I did each day. From errands to family game nights. What I saw amazed me! No everything wasn’t done perfectly in the times I designated for them, but they were done! So my girls didn’t always have the best and ironed clothes, they had quality time that they enjoyed. And my husband didn’t have to come home and worry about meals or chores, some how God had helped me accomplish everything I had written for my self to do.
It was a moment of enlightenment, that I realized that all that worry and stress was for nothing. I may not be the best at everything, but I’m pretty good at most of it.
Ebony Mystique 