Author, Massage Therapist, Pianist ~ Eclectic Entrepreneur
Hear me out…
She wakes me up early to pray, read scripture, and exercise. Then she sets a timer in fifteen minute increments to shower, dress and eat breakfast. Then I have to start my author’s schedule of writing, editing and scheduling content. And then I have to practice songs and make plans for my piano business.
All before 9am because that’s when I leave to go into the office and massage people from 10-6.
She’s brutal.
Summer.
Definitely.
Because I love being on the beach with the sun kissing my skin. The way the heat caresses my body as if it we were old lovers enjoying each other’s time. How the nights keep me hot and bothered. Lying beneath the beauty of the stars wrapped in gentle breezes.
Writing without inhibitions.
Caution to the wind.
Seeing if the pen is mightier than the sword. Or if it will simply run out of ink.
The further I step into my 40’s, the more I feel at peace with solitude. And I’m not sure if that’s healthy or a coping mechanism for disappointment.
Either way, I’m here now. And it feels like being outside of myself in another reality.
So, I’m still coasting in the forty club. A divorced, single mom of two crazy, fun daughters.
And I’m discovering that I like dating with no strings attached.
Which is interesting. I’ve always wanted a grandiose kind of love. But now, I’m content just dating, having fun and going home. There’s no pressure for anything.
I’m either on my way to being emotionally unavailable.
How do you feel about dating with no strings attached?
It never occurred to me, that when I arrived at this point in my life, I would consider a career change. My thought was, why should I? I love what I do?
But what happens when what you love becomes taxing on your body?🤔
I have to rethink my whole exit plan now. And I wasn’t prepared for that this soon.
Such is life I suppose.
The first few years of my forties has been an emotional war with a blood covered battlefield. It has been one knock down drag out fight after another. To say it’s been rough is an understatement.
However, I’m still around.
One thing I thought, was that I’d be established relationship wise. I had imagined that by my forties I would be coasting in that area. Traveling with my love. Exploring each other and new things. Just having fun honestly. But what I am learning is, I live vicariously through others very well. And that I am adapting to a new idea of who I am. I’m not sure if I like it yet though. We shall see.
What did you think you would be or have by the time you got to the forty club? And has it happened?
I was ready, expecting not to trust men for a while. But it’s the not being able to trust myself that’s got me blindsided.
I’ve never experienced this aspect before. It’s alarming.
I thought about something funny you said and smiled. Then chastised myself for smiling at the tormentor’s joke.
Now my heart feels betrayed for twenty-four hours.
Staring in the mirror, very slowly picking me apart…
Thanks Stevie Wonder.
Ebony Mystique 