Did I cry tears of gold? Or hide behind sheets of stars? When you swam through my oceans of pain, how were you able to see me?
I feel your presence, your strength, enter me. Your soul covers me.
You see me, my love.
I like talking to you without even having to speak.
You hear me when I’m silent.
You didn’t know how much I was willing to give you,
until I was completely depleted.
Your laughter tickled me, until I learned what your initials meant.
C. L. R.
Now I have concerns…
I could never imagine a moment without your presence in it. Even when you’re not near.
Every time I looked at you I saw the sun. And subsequently loss my sight.
So, it was awkward.
Well maybe awkward doesn’t completely describe the entire experience, but it sure did start out that way.
For one, it began rather quickly. Hugging, kissing and then Connie was on her back with Nathan’s face between her thighs. Tasting and sucking until she was gasping for breath. She didn’t know how to respond! No idea how to touch him! So she closed her eyes and writhed beneath his mastery.
But let’s back up…
When Nathan undressed and revealed a toned, muscular body, Connie panicked. She wasn’t obese, but she was definitely not a small woman. With thick thighs, round hips and a four liter instead of a six-pack. She considered herself chubby. The way she dressed hid many flaws in her figure. While highlighting the positive attributes.
But when you’re naked and your stretch marks are showing, it could get in your head.
It got in Connie’s head.
She couldn’t relax. He looked at her and said he didn’t see anything wrong. But he wasn’t wearing his glasses, so how well could she trust his visual judgement?
Without 20/20 vision, he laid her down, kissed her all over and made love to her. It was intense, beautiful. She explored his gorgeous body with her hands. All she wanted to do was please him…
No turning back now.
Connie couldn’t stop thinking about Nathan.
About their sweet kiss. About the things he said he wanted to do to her. And everything she wanted to do to him.
Having tasted his lips, she knew there would be passion once they consummated their relationship. Every part of her being was vibrating with anticipation! It was all she could think about!
It was all she wanted. To simply be wrapped in his arms. One good time, so she could finally feel connected to someone again!
So, she thought about their kiss. thought about how nervous she was to initiate it. But how satisfied she was once she had.
They made plans to see each other again. This time in a more intimate setting. They would be able to work through their emotions by means of talking or making love.
She hoped it would be both.
Every time she closed her eyes she thought about him.
His lips were soft and sweet.
To be honest, I didn’t have to kiss him. He didn’t even initiate it!
When we met, we talked. I tried to convince him, and myself, that this was a horrible idea. That I was more than physically attracted to him. I was certain I had sound reasoning.
But he didn’t care.
He said he felt more than physical attraction towards me as well.
Curses! Why did I have to fit so well with a man that wasn’t even my husband? And why was he also held to the whims of his not so fleeting emotions?
Yeah, I said curses.
Nothing good could come out of our selfish desire to be together. Maybe really passionate sex, but nothing else!
I explained that his very presence felt like home to me. Safe. I felt safe and vulnerable. When he’s near me I blush. I freaking blush! These bronze hues of my flesh turn red! It’s hard for me to put a sensible, coherent thought together.
And all I wanted to do was touch his lips with my own.
He didn’t ask for a kiss.
I just couldn’t leave his space one more time without caressing his lips with mine.
So I told him, “Com’ere”, leaned forward and kissed him. And it was sweet. And it was soft. And it wasn’t nearly enough.
Cupping his face, I closed my eyes and thought about how far I was willing to take this. Emotions were over-riding every logical thought I had. The only thing I wanted was to feel connected to him. To fall into him and let him catch me.
He said he would catch me.
Did he mean that? What would that mean for us? How long could this thing we had going last? We couldn’t have happily ever after. We were both unhappily married.
There was no future.
Only this moment that surely wouldn’t last long.
Maybe if I had one night with him. One moment of surrender. Maybe that would quell the desire and longing in both of us.
Or maybe it would be a beautiful mess worth making…